I got a book of ridiculous patents entitled Patently Ridiculous. Here are some of my favourites.

This ride is amazing. Travel through the insides of a human? Great idea.

I want this now.

This was obviously conceived in the eighties under the influence of cocaine after watching Scarface.

I think I made this.

Funnel Horn.  HONK HONK!

CONDOM IN A NUT.

HOT.

This would be the creepiest feeling thing ever. How long until the hand job version is made. Finger in the butt version.

With streaks.

I always wanted something like this. Have sound effects like an old cartoon that you could use as a fight was going on. Just hitting buttons as a brawl takes place. If you went home with a girl, take your pants off and make a boing sound. Make a fart sound at a funeral beside the casket, lighten the whole scene. The possibilities never end.

The two things I picture this being used for paints a pretty grim picture, but on a high note, later in life the child will be great when it comes to oral. In fifteen years women around the world will be satasfied.

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This is a collection of concept sketches for the movie Labyrinth starring David Bowie.  I love this damn movie, and finding this book in the library was pretty exciting. The images are drawn by Brian Froud, with adjoining descriptions of the goblins by Terry Jones (From Monty Python fame, and here’s a little fact to stuff in your bonnet, Terry Jones was also the writer of the screenplay.)

Some of the descriptions are pretty funny. Here are some of my favorites from the book. You get the sense throughout the book that Brian Froud would send a series of images too Terry Jones and he would make quick descriptions based solely on the image.  Pretty fun stuff. First you get the image, and then you get the description. My favorites are Boink and Fowler.  Go forth and ENJOY!!!

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Groucho Marx on Christmas.

“At Christmas you can always count on at least a dozen obnoxious children bleating the latest novelty Christmas song hit.  A few years ago, it was that great ballad, “All I want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth.”  As a man who loves children, I want to say publicly, here and now, that I uttered a silent but solemn vow that if those precocious tots ever got those two front teeth they were constantly wailing about, I’d be only too happy to kick ‘em down their throats!”

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MARC MARON INTERVIEW WITH DAVE FOLEY.

(Click above to get to it and skip listening to me rave.)

This is a radio show done by a comedian named Marc Maron.  Well it’s done out of his garage, so I guess it’s called a podcast.  What a bullshit name, you don’t need an Ipod to listen to a podcast.  They’re not made on Ipods, nonsense.  Twits doing marketing for free, genius.  Huge corporations need all the help they can get.  Fight with your fellow man over product branding, great idea.  I mean fight, murder everyone if you please, but do it over something else for satan’s sake, something worthwhile, something sensible, like love.  Buhhhhhhhhhh.

But anyway.  This is an interview Marc Maron did with Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall.  There is a bit of an intro before Dave Foley comes on, and Marc Maron is fairly annoying.  Just another one of those comedians who seem like little kids who have just figured out that they can swear without their parents finding out.  No finesse, no style, no naturalness.  I hate it.  David Cross comes to mind.  Dweebs with satan on their tongue don’t impress me.  Show me blood on your hands and the curse’s come out like the whispers of a dove.  But this high volume gutless demeanor takes all the strength from a swear.  I cant stand the facade.  (After all this, Marc Maron, being a comedian mainly interviews other comedians, and because of this you often hear things and gain insight that in a normal interview you would never have access too.)

Anyway, this interview is really good.  Tells a lot about the beginnings of Kids In The Hall.  Some of the trouble during the show, but most importantly all the insane troubles Dave Foley has had along the way.  Not the most uplifting thing, I’ll tell you that.  Definitely worth putting on and listening too.  Heck of a tale.

DAVE FOLEY INTERVIEW.

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Just watch first minute and a half and you will have your life changed. I’m moving to Botton.

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Rainer Werner Fassbinder insisted that all relationships between people are fundamentally masochistic:

“It’s simply that every person who comes into the world is not taken seriously at first, because it’s difficult for an adult to take anything so small seriously, and because apparently it’s not a proper person at all.  With time, the parents then become a species of superior beings, people whom, on the one hand, the child accepts, which means that all its life it will accept superior people and, on the other hand, tries to destroy, so that it itself is able to live.  Which is to say that, on the one hand, we have developed a need for superior beings and, on the other, a need to destroy them, and so we become sadists and masochists at the same time.”

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